Five items I would always/never wear

Wednesday’s post about one of my year-round favourite items of clothing (lightweight knits) prompted me to think more about those pieces which are perennial favourites and those that would never be seen within a five mile radius of my closet.

Across the pages of many fantastic blogs, I’ve recently been noticing a fun “tagged meme” sort of post popping up, in which the writer describes five items of clothing or other fashion related items she (or he) is eternally fond of wearing and five which they would never be seen dead – let alone alive – in. I haven’t been tagged, but I think it’s still A-ok for me to compose my own such list.

Before I begin, I must say that there are very few items of clothing I truly loath, that I would have to be plied with copious amounts of liquor or be handed a cheque with numerous zeros to put on. Like most people who enjoy (re: insanely love) fashion, I have distinct favourites and have developed a style of my own, but that doesn’t mean I dislike a certain pieces of clothing just because I don’t own one of said item. Everything that I love will be hated by someone and vice versa. So if you’re wild about some of the items that I’m not on speaking terms with, please know that chances are I dislike the item primarily because it just doesn’t work on my body type, not because I feel it needs to be put in a lead box and dropped in the middle of the ocean.


{Always}
These items are my clothing are my bread and butter, my BBFs for life; they’ve got my back (often literally), and I’ve got a perpetual soft spot in my heart for them. Without these pieces my wardrobe as I know it would cease to exist.


Full skirts: To say I love full skirts (which hit just below the knee or longer) is a true understatement. I would don a crinoline and get my Gone With The Wind style on, gleefully, any day if given the chance. While I have a penchant for pencil skirts too, there’s something about the undeniably feminine element of a skirt that bells out at the bottom that appeals to me on every possible fashion level.


{Drop-dead gorgeous floral print? Check. Hailing from the 1950s? Check. Full skirt? Check. Ladies and gents, we have a winner!}


Classic, tastefully tall boots : I have somewhat wide, uneven sized, thick feet and as such have had to watch the majority of sexy, strappy heels and shoes poke fun at me my whole life. Thank goodness for boots, whose construction often affords those with wide feet more room, while still looking stylish. I love black, brown or other dark hued boots, especially those in the mid-calf to just-below-the-knee range (think classic English riding boot height), a good pair of which can almost always sooth my nerves after I’ve tried on 947 pairs of heels/sandals/wedges/sling-backs/flats that wouldn’t stay – or couldn’t get – on my feet.


{What can I say, I’m a sucker for an elegant, classic tall boot that works its stylish magic all through bitterly cold autumn, winter and early spring months. Must be the Canadian fashionista in me.}


Crisp, well tailored button front shirts: I have at times described my style as mid-twentieth century meets Stevie Knicks meets Victorian belle meets Martha Stewart, though really the later is added to mix simply because I love the look – and wearing – of classic, well cut button front blouses. They work incredibly well with a pencil skirt to highlight my hourglass curves, and have the amazing ability to transcend and rise above whatever wacky fashion trends might be going on at the moment. And hey, we all know that’s a good thing!


{If you’re ever going to buy something in multiples, I implore to make it gorgeous button front shirts like this one. They are to fashion what Mozart is to classical music.}


Polka dots: Awww, mommy dearest, I know it was you and your adoration of Little Dot cartoons that instilled a passion for these charming spots in me from the get-go. So long as they steer clear of the large, mod era circles, I love polka dots like they were a member of my own family.


{One look at this charming dress and I decided to create a new take on an old expression: cute as a polka dot!.}


Dark denim: Imagine the best dessert you’ve eaten in your life, think about how its flavours sent your taste buds on a joy ride, how you wanted it to last forever and how every other dessert you’ve consumed since has secretly been compared to that one. Now imagine a stale convenience store fruit pie that’s probably been sitting on the shelf for three years. To me that is what it’s like to compare dark denim with light denim. From the moment I bought my first pair of indigo hued jeans (September 2000, I remember the day well), I’ve never been able to wear anything below a medium hued denim, the darker the inky blue, the better (ideally in a slight boot-cut or classically tailored trouser leg). Denim cheesecake if ever there was!


{Sliming, sophisticated, versatile, dark, well cut, “bling-free” denim should be a staple in everyone’s wardrobe. I mean it, everyone’s!}


{Never}
Sorry, nuh-ha, never-ever going to happen in a million years. Well, ok, probably never. What am I saying? Never. Period.

Drop crotch pants: Seriously, never. I would quite literally prefer to walk out the door in my knickers than wear these trouser monstrosities. I am appalled that they’re having an of-the-moment love fest in the world of fashion. IMO, anyone who wears these pants is doing so for the attention they’ll generate, not because they actually look presentable in them.


{Not even the pretty grey fabric and bow can save these “pants” from being a fashion train wreck. Tisk, tisk, tisk such a waste of a perfectly good piece of material.}


Anything with ridiculous amounts of unnecessary drapes/folds of fabric: I love Shar Peis, I really do, they’ve always been one of my favourite breeds of dogs, the thing is I don’t want the fabric I’m wearing to have as many folds as one of these precious pup’s faces. I’m always up for a little pleating, rouching or draping where it adds something to the item itself, but when the folds become the whole piece, I’d rather just wear a square sack (unless it’s the square sack dress at the bottom of this list, in which case, ok, hand off the built-in wrinkles).


{Even the adorable haircut and quirky headband on the model failed to rescue this outfit from looking like a crumpled Kleenex.}


Jumpers/jumpsuits: There were certain wardrobe elements of the 80s that I secretly wished would remain buried in the past. Yet like fashion zombies many such items of clothing have freakishly reappeared this year (think acid wash jeans, massively exaggerated shoulders, neons, slap bracelets, over-sized, off the shoulder sweaters; bike shorts – or as I like to call these pieces, six more items I’d never wear!). Rising from the wardrobe dead in full force are jumpers (aka, jumpsuits or rompers). I think part of the reason I’m not wild about the adult onsie look, is because you (often) need rather long legs to pull this style off with any degree of success. Lacking lengthy gams, I end up looking like more like a 24 year old auditioning for an Osh-Kosh commercial, than a worldly woman of fashionable style.


{The words “silk” and “Victoria’s Secret” is usually a winning combination, yet not even a lux fabric and great label could pull off a jumper that I’d ever even consider wearing around the house, while home alone, with the curtains drawn and all the lights turned off.}


Gladiator sandals/heels: Like a plague of locus, footwear inspired by blood-thirsty Roman fighters seems to have ascended in great numbers upon the pages of almost every fashion mag in town. While I do think that on some women the plethora of buckles, straps and other bondage gear-like parts these shoes posses looks nice, on someone like myself who is immensely allergic to nickel (and thus has to avoid any form of metal most of the time on shoes), the thought of twelve buckles or rows of studs is enough to wake me up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.


{If your shoes require you to schedule a block of time from your day to put them on, it may be time for footwear that didn't come from an era of unfathomable human (and animal) bloodsport.}


Kindergarten Teacher dresses: I’m not sure if there’s an exact name for the type of dress I’m talking about here, but just about anyone who went to school (or had kids of an elementary school age) in the 90s (and in some parts of the world, to this day) will know what I mean just by looking at the picture below (note, teachers are not by any means the only women I’ve seen wearing these dresses, for a while they were quite common amongst librarians, too).

This style of consists of a long, shapeless, drab, often pale denim (or part denim, part other fabric), often v-neck (or vest style top) dress that, depending on the top half of the frock, can be worn as its own pillow case like garment or put atop a blouse/t-shirt. Often the wearing of such dresses makes one look like they’re decked out in 80s or 90s maternity wear, even if they’ve got a terrific figure. On What Not To Wear, they’ve sometimes referred to frocks that are cut like this as the “I’ve given up dress”. I couldn’t agree more, they are the antithesis of all I hold sacred and dear when it comes to sporting a dress.


{Why? Just plain why? I feel like saying, “Call now and for just $26 a month you can sponsor this poor, helpless to dress lead a fulfilling life as a potato sack, slip cover, or small tarp. Your caring donation could change the life of this dress by turning it into something people might actually want”.}


That’s my list, I could add many others to both categories, but you’ve heard enough about my always/nevers. I’m admittedly quite shy when it comes to tagging fellow bloggers to continue memes onward, so instead I’ll openly invite one and all to create your own list of fives! Be sure to let me know if you do, I’d love to read yours!



*PS*

Here is the first always/never post and four others that I’ve since encountered.

* The post that started it all on Dear Golden.

* Thrift candy

* Mon Petit Fantome

* Clever Nettle

* Vintage Found